Executive Office Chair

"We just upgraded our office furniture and no longer need this leather executive office chair."




Anthropomorphized Chair III - grumpy, indignant

Upgraded have you? Upgraded, my ass! Yeah, that new chair may have one of those new Master’s in Financial Engineering degrees, but what good is stochastic calculus going to do in a market like this? You want more fancy derivatives? Are you not paying attention to the news? Even the Wall Street Journal is calling for more regulation of that bullshit.

Look, what you need is to focus on our traditional strengths. I don’t have the new chair’s book smarts, sure, but I’ve been here 25 years. I came up from the mailroom. I know how to roll up my sleeves and get things done the way we always have. Who was under you through the Emca merger? Who put in late nights getting approvals for the new line we unveiled 10 years ago?

Don’t hand me that severance check. Don’t you dare wish me well. Let me do my job, dammit. Really? Security? Is that what it’s come to? Did you just call me “gramps”? You’ll be hearing from my lawyer.