Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Sanyo Microwave


Thar she blows! The blubber-rich, slow-moving, surface-tickling whale we've dedicated this blog to. Our guiding principle. Our raison d'etre. The one thing so totally undesirable, so frightening to even consider letting into your house, that no one, ever, could possibly want it.

Note that this microwave has no buttons, it has a dial. When it was manufactured, buttons had not yet been invented. Many safety features had also not yet been invented.

From the looks of this picture, the owner of this vintage microwave wisely keeps it in a dark underground storage facility. Perhaps deep inside an old salt mine in the Rockies. If it were exposed to light, it could explode. If it is near heat, the slightest breeze, or human conversation, it could begin a "China Sydrome"-style chain reaction. To minimize (but not eliminate) the potential for Earth-crippling disaster, the picture you are looking at was taken remotely, using a NASA-designed robot with a camera and advanced LED flash system installed.

Of course, this wood shelf is in danger of going up in flames, but it's a better choice than metal (risk of sparks flying and reaching molten temperatures) or plastic (sure to melt). Some inert ceramic would be best, but the owner may have limited resources.

VM odds this will be picked up by someone for food cookery purposes - 1 in 10 billion.

VM odds this will be picked up by some modern-day Dr. No seeking a weapon with which to blackmail the United Nations? Slightly better. The Security Council has already convened.

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