Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Should we infer anything about condition and/or safety from your unwillingness to get any closer to the "micro/oven" to take its picture? Or were you just hoping it wouldn't see you, so you could avoid the awkward discussion about the future of your relationship?
I'm pretty sure that the only way you're going to get someone to take a nonworking, 40-pound piece of completely obsolete machinery off your hands these days is to convince them that it should be part of their owl collection.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Why do I get the sense that by "moving boxes," they don't mean "boxes useful for packing up possessions for a change of residence," but rather "boxes that are actually moving"?
If no one is home, it's because the boxes got them.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Very, very old. Like, Civil War old. In fact, I'm pretty sure this furniture fought in the Civil War. I don't know where that hole could have come from other than the Battle of Gettysburg.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
I'm kinda speechless. This is early-80's rent-to-own furniture at its apex. I mean nadir. The "gold" trim, the fancifully printed velour-ish fabric - I can't characterize so much as simply describe.
I can't picture this in anyone's house. The only possible setting I can accept is a brief scene in some Aaron Spelling show, let's say Dynasty, set in the waiting room of a small accountancy office. That's the only place this could really exist.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
We considered posting a picture or two of something mummified to compare this too, but the pictures of mummies were a little grosser than we like to be. This chair is all the gross we can handle.
Beware its curse: "As for all men who shall sit here . . . there will be judgment . . . an end shall be made for him . . . I shall seize his neck like a bird . . . I shall cast the fear of myself into him."
Consider it done. We're already afraid.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Sweet, they still have the cellophane on them. Something for the baby to play with after we've fed him long-expired food.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Obviously, this will need a part or two (or 334) before it's perfect for anything, but that aside, what about this semi-boat makes it seem especially race-worthy? If anything, it looks like a pretty non-hydrodynamic example of boatdom. Why is it any more perfect for a boat race than, say, this motorcycle frame is for motorcycle races?
Or this trashcan is for trashcan races?
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Look, it's OK. We get it. You got very angry at your dresser, you beat the hell out of it, and now none of the pieces fit together. It's tilted to the side, and the drawers are useless. You're sorry; you wish you hadn't, and that's all well and good, but look - you have to deal with the aftermath yourself. Don't try to enlist the help of strangers to get you out of this mess. You got yourself into it, you get yourself out. Go get an axe. Or maybe some lighter fluid.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Fine, fair enough. Two pieces of furniture not worth the effort of selling, but not ready for the trash. Exactly what the Free Stuff section is good for.
But what is up with that living room? I hope to god that this person is getting some livelier furniture. Because right now all they need is a fishbowl full of free condoms and they'd have the waiting room at Planned Parenthood.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
The other half has been re-purposed as the tombstone for the dead surfer who last used it.
Perhaps you know another recently passed surfer you could honor with this half. Or maybe it would make a good prosthetic whale tongue?
Of course the upholstery is bad. Kids will be kids, falling asleep with lit cigarettes in hand.
We have some friends who are pregnant, and we are sorely tempted to haul this to the baby shower, along with some kids' beer and a subsciption to Kids' Playboy.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
I hate to be self-referential, but this reminds me of this BMW. You know, other than being completely devastated in every pertinent way, it was like any other BMW.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
The only possible use for this would be playing the role of the field office in Blair Witch 3: The Blair Witch Construction Project. In this installment, the Blair Witch continues to terrorize the Maryland wilderness, this time through the erection of depressing subdivisions.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
*Disclaimer: backyard will be in no way your own.
Well sure, why not? You want a garden, I want to work without compensation, we're a perfect match!
This sounds familiar somehow.
From Tom Sawyer (1876):
Tom contemplated the boy a bit, and said:
“What do you call work?”
“Why, ain’t that work?”
Tom resumed his whitewashing, and answered carelessly:
“Well, maybe it is, and maybe it ain’t. All I know, is, it suits Tom Sawyer.”
“Oh come, now, you don’t mean to let on that you like it?”
The brush continued to move.
“Like it? Well, I don’t see why I oughtn’t to like it. Does a boy get a chance to whitewash a fence every day?”
That put the thing in a new light. Ben stopped nibbling his apple. Tom swept his brush daintily back and forth – stepped back to note the effect – added a touch here and there – criticised the effect again – Ben watching every move and getting more and more interested, more and more absorbed. Presently he said:
“Say, Tom, let me whitewash a little.”
Saturday, May 2, 2009
An art project, huh? No comment, I don't want to . . . beat a dead horse. Hey-OHH!!!
Friday, May 1, 2009
I'm done talkin', honey; I'm gonna make it happen. We're starting that skyscraper out in back Saturday morning.