A Change at Vintage Microwave

Dear Loyal Readers:

We are so very, very good at what we do that someone has asked us to do it for them. So Vintage Microwave is going to fade away, but our work will continue. Stephen and Jessica will be writing at two blogs for the time being. One, essentially identical to VM, is:

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This site will not only continue our commentary on commerce castaways, but will initially re-use some of the old VM posts (we have to get it started somehow). Bear with us as it gets up to speed.

The other site will provide commentary on unsettling tattoos.

Ugliest Tattoos

Yes, it's an easy target, but we'll make it funny. Vintage Microwave funny.

We hope the new sites will be as fun for us to write as VM has been. We hope "selling out" is as awesome as we've imagined. We hope to see you there.

Wall Micro/Oven Combo

Should we infer anything about condition and/or safety from your unwillingness to get any closer to the "micro/oven" to take its picture? Or were you just hoping it wouldn't see you, so you could avoid the awkward discussion about the future of your relationship?

Sony scope Reel to Reel Player Recorder 1960

"My husband says that it might need a belt, as it was slow turning. Very heavy unit, applrimately 35-40 lbs."

I'm pretty sure that the only way you're going to get someone to take a nonworking, 40-pound piece of completely obsolete machinery off your hands these days is to convince them that it should be part of their owl collection.

moving boxes

"Please call to see if anyone is home."

Why do I get the sense that by "moving boxes," they don't mean "boxes useful for packing up possessions for a change of residence," but rather "boxes that are actually moving"?

If no one is home, it's because the boxes got them.

Old Wicker Furniture

"The rocking chair and settee are very very old."

Very, very old. Like, Civil War old. In fact, I'm pretty sure this furniture fought in the Civil War. I don't know where that hole could have come from other than the Battle of Gettysburg.

Loveseat

I'm kinda speechless. This is early-80's rent-to-own furniture at its apex. I mean nadir. The "gold" trim, the fancifully printed velour-ish fabric - I can't characterize so much as simply describe.

I can't picture this in anyone's house. The only possible setting I can accept is a brief scene in some Aaron Spelling show, let's say Dynasty, set in the waiting room of a small accountancy office. That's the only place this could really exist.

Black couch

"17 years old. NO animals have urinated on it."


"Let's see, what's the nicest thing I can say about this couch? What's my angle, my selling point? How do I convince someone they need this? 'It has a pleasant scent'? No, that would be a lie. 'It's attractive in a flophouse-chic way'? No, there's really no such thing, they'd see right through that. 'It's not stuffed with gunpowder'? Close, but come on, neither are my giveaway-competitors' couches. I need something to distinguish this one from others. I know . . . ."

Old Chair

We considered posting a picture or two of something mummified to compare this too, but the pictures of mummies were a little grosser than we like to be. This chair is all the gross we can handle.


Beware its curse: "As for all men who shall sit here . . . there will be judgment . . . an end shall be made for him . . . I shall seize his neck like a bird . . . I shall cast the fear of myself into him."

Consider it done. We're already afraid.

Gerber cerel for infants

"One expired on Sept 08 the other Nov 08. But they still have the cellophane on them."

Sweet, they still have the cellophane on them. Something for the baby to play with after we've fed him long-expired food.

Red Couch

The post describes this as a couch, but it could just as easily have said "Free Bigfoot" or "Free Loch Ness Monster."


It's hard to get a good shot of a frightened couch, as it flees into the night.