tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26205260167331541512024-02-20T09:57:27.352-08:00Vintage MicrowaveFree May Not Be Cheap EnoughStephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.comBlogger305125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-368002483357992932012-03-01T14:17:00.003-08:002012-03-01T14:26:02.093-08:00"Zen Fountian"<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7nnEOkjfxhOWo-HCtAZYL0OZr8ocJgt_JBSwjAVfOYnnZegc7iR5BaR8QQzV98uISTwnkkgsiRK0aUtcEC2xC9etedYlk6myMLRYbQ6ie9GVH-qJYZrFihqytlH9Gdk_NUci7p0eKncCs/s1600/Zen+fountian.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7nnEOkjfxhOWo-HCtAZYL0OZr8ocJgt_JBSwjAVfOYnnZegc7iR5BaR8QQzV98uISTwnkkgsiRK0aUtcEC2xC9etedYlk6myMLRYbQ6ie9GVH-qJYZrFihqytlH9Gdk_NUci7p0eKncCs/s320/Zen+fountian.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5715056414405995010" /></a>Bringing new meaning to the Buddhist saying: "Form does not differ from the void, and the void does not differ from form." Am I approaching enlightenment yet?Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-29332366923925354292012-02-27T14:12:00.003-08:002012-02-27T14:15:33.980-08:00Tiger Art<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0tM_76kmNy2bdVuO1UUfUcSe369DosbZ0kE8j4F82rya_8rYZmPeo33J9GdQWVnLYZcxursAziJbZEz8JA27SwZV5ivROLHiYKydCsK-dnrM11PIrGee42sw_nrnxKrKEUqhCrtY15wOY/s1600/Tiger+Oil+Painting.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0tM_76kmNy2bdVuO1UUfUcSe369DosbZ0kE8j4F82rya_8rYZmPeo33J9GdQWVnLYZcxursAziJbZEz8JA27SwZV5ivROLHiYKydCsK-dnrM11PIrGee42sw_nrnxKrKEUqhCrtY15wOY/s320/Tiger+Oil+Painting.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5713941852467386146" /></a><br /><div>Would you be surprised if I told you that you can go to any major city on craigslist, enter "tiger" in the "arts + crafts" search box, and see at least one work of "art" featuring a tiger? It surprised me.</div>Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-47072361255516794852012-02-26T06:25:00.000-08:002012-02-26T11:03:27.944-08:00Back Yard Toys<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd8gqj7Zc-02QbMto42-lx_ds4KD2KH1v6rGVx8U07SPyR_6r0jVraKaXv5ax0MOjI9e2shuVYJd5PaF_9u-aNokpxpVlJjyPYdt7fmmziqA6sFFbouaiq_l_9GHZQ5xy9pILK8zn9OEvV/s1600/backyard+toys.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd8gqj7Zc-02QbMto42-lx_ds4KD2KH1v6rGVx8U07SPyR_6r0jVraKaXv5ax0MOjI9e2shuVYJd5PaF_9u-aNokpxpVlJjyPYdt7fmmziqA6sFFbouaiq_l_9GHZQ5xy9pILK8zn9OEvV/s320/backyard+toys.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5713265028528185586" /></a><br /><br />A set of toys from the Mattel "Unsettleables!" line. Recommended uses:<br /><br />Place blue rocking toy in front yard. Have 40-something man sit in it, rocking back and forth, mumbling to himself, looking down.<div><br /></div><div>Take small bicycle toy, and place on sidewalk near entrance to local bar.</div><div><br /></div><div>Wedge pink pushcar within your car's bumper. Drive slowly through neighborhood, gently swerving.<br /><br /></div>Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-86740704470585830882012-02-25T15:27:00.000-08:002012-02-25T15:27:00.101-08:00FREE Toilet in Rose GardenThe poor man's Partridge in Pear Tree.Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-75142104646540226952012-02-24T16:00:00.000-08:002012-02-24T16:00:04.690-08:00fabric covered anti-gravity chairs<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR3aOfP-zUwkU42dqovzv7tZ6fZjwVTRTOlMHBvX5wm-S5AOEi6oWN-lQcOoYrapdm-fADuIF2rPU9Fh25F833jeqFT1VcpywgA9YtVeflsEYzV8f9777D6Af6SpDUTfU97ZVKOdl3vfyH/s1600/antigravity.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 225px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR3aOfP-zUwkU42dqovzv7tZ6fZjwVTRTOlMHBvX5wm-S5AOEi6oWN-lQcOoYrapdm-fADuIF2rPU9Fh25F833jeqFT1VcpywgA9YtVeflsEYzV8f9777D6Af6SpDUTfU97ZVKOdl3vfyH/s320/antigravity.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5711781574539333762" /></a><br /><br />You know, just because they have stars on them doesn't mean they're in the sky.Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-80738133837003809002012-02-23T13:23:00.000-08:002012-02-23T13:23:00.640-08:00Mountain Astrologer back issues"10 years of Mountain Astrologer magazines looking for a good home."<br /><br />Dear Mountain Astrologer Magazine,<br /><br />Please cancel my subscription, effective immediately. Over the past few months, since the editorial putsch in October when Glen Starman installed his cadre of Sierra Nevada insiders at the helm, the quality of the magazine’s mountain astrology has bottomed out. I used to be able to count on Janet Orion’s predictions (nay, *assertions* - “prediction” suggests the possibility of error) to tell me whether I needed to prepare for a three-bear attack on my trash, expect a road-closing snowfall, or if, although my prospects look good for the moment, I need to be careful about putting all my eggs in one basket. <br /><br />With the new editors, I have no idea if love is right around the corner, or if I should expect the ptarmigans to wake me every morning next month. Instead, it’s all “things are developing that will bring about a change in residence or lifestyle. But don't worry, it will be an improvement” or “draw on experience to advise someone who isn't thinking clearly today.” Well, let me tell you something, I call BS. My residence and lifestyle haven’t changed in 52 years, and I don’t plan on joining Greg Masterson in his cave and single-wide anytime soon, no matter how often he asks. And I don’t have plans to see anyone to even be *able* to offer advice for about a month and a half. Today? Who are you kidding? Well not me.<br /><br />I don't know where I'll get my news of the future from now on, but it won't be from you. Take your predictions and stick ‘em where the sun don’t shine – maybe Greg Masterson’s cave? <br /><br />I'll bet you didn't even see this coming,<br />VMStephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-82851471465372432372012-02-22T15:09:00.000-08:002012-02-22T15:09:00.270-08:00Sofa<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWU3PmevTzeZS08m06lcM2jV3sgLPC5fTCBxI651BvvRKg5VE6DeoJf2BReZweFedMjPlHB0fNavxy-j8kto4w6xNnvtscHffG0eaQdh79NcdnYuGtS-rc6IZSLL9EWZvuJxT9ca1GivCw/s1600/jabba.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 169px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWU3PmevTzeZS08m06lcM2jV3sgLPC5fTCBxI651BvvRKg5VE6DeoJf2BReZweFedMjPlHB0fNavxy-j8kto4w6xNnvtscHffG0eaQdh79NcdnYuGtS-rc6IZSLL9EWZvuJxT9ca1GivCw/s320/jabba.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5711358915511487618" /></a><br /><br />"There will be no bargain, young Jedi. I shall enjoy watching you die."Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-43521026390384681402012-02-21T17:05:00.000-08:002012-02-21T17:05:00.173-08:00Plecostomus<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH3GML6mo-ER0p59n6RdZJMZ54bP2a2IJvjUyGc1h3g1Q6f5E6DHStZci4R7UWZ2o1mR1wiSXafyVLQLi8nUCAQ09YfDGqKbG6AzPgEtJwLOHCD3d3LtXB3gTTEK0GSsAI5sv6O7zJq-bP/s1600/plecostomus.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 243px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH3GML6mo-ER0p59n6RdZJMZ54bP2a2IJvjUyGc1h3g1Q6f5E6DHStZci4R7UWZ2o1mR1wiSXafyVLQLi8nUCAQ09YfDGqKbG6AzPgEtJwLOHCD3d3LtXB3gTTEK0GSsAI5sv6O7zJq-bP/s320/plecostomus.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5711017854387929874" /></a><br /><br />These show up a lot in the free and pet sections, and are always accompanied by ad text reading "getting too big for my tank." I like to think, however, that these algae suckers eventually reach a size where their owners can see them rolling their eyes at yet another season of "The Bachelor" showing up on the TV in the living room. Don't judge me, plecostomus!Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-81427285470181922432012-02-20T17:00:00.000-08:002012-02-20T17:00:01.889-08:00Half a chocolate cake.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWkQI7rcI1KHjaU__HmYCYw2_x3UfXhCtDE-j_ekaQo8289Bb-tF_J4SodEhoju6DS6LvM8OqyJHC_T3IruIOFITlbqcjrl3gNhMrMTAqPMca4Hddic4OclgaLokDeX6l8xrNc3OBl76lM/s1600/chocolate+cake.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWkQI7rcI1KHjaU__HmYCYw2_x3UfXhCtDE-j_ekaQo8289Bb-tF_J4SodEhoju6DS6LvM8OqyJHC_T3IruIOFITlbqcjrl3gNhMrMTAqPMca4Hddic4OclgaLokDeX6l8xrNc3OBl76lM/s320/chocolate+cake.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5711016591998045170" /></a><br /><br />"Pick it up in the next hour. Dinner party. We couldn't finish the dessert. It's really good! Come by and get it now!"<br /><br />And with that, the trap was set.Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-30513949124884839932012-02-19T16:34:00.001-08:002012-02-19T16:53:19.554-08:00Wind Sock'44" long wind sock. attach to a vertical pole and it will spin in the wind.'<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF1tjtd3wNpuVJUetivE4MWPjsV_IrqyLvjn1k1X-_EEvdX263p6yVtyeqmEYsf7LZpsxWh6cAAKam3BWoQ8gwonTYLa-Tw_6rfVUpOFR4BP6c_UY6rUyj-D8G_dAyIwqOVGkkF8ZVAubU/s1600/wind+sock.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 212px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF1tjtd3wNpuVJUetivE4MWPjsV_IrqyLvjn1k1X-_EEvdX263p6yVtyeqmEYsf7LZpsxWh6cAAKam3BWoQ8gwonTYLa-Tw_6rfVUpOFR4BP6c_UY6rUyj-D8G_dAyIwqOVGkkF8ZVAubU/s320/wind+sock.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5711013135154517922" /></a><br /><br />The Social Contract, at its most basic, reads like this: "you don't fuck with me; I don't fuck with you." Capisce? This simple, originalist interpretation has long led me to the conclusion that wind chimes are an affront to mankind's attempts to create workable organization. The norms, needs, and niceties of community require that we don't willfully annoy others without some good goddamned reason. Wind chimes, however, say, "I have no qualms about imposing my need for constant noise upon you, without your consent." They suggest, "My 'New Age' spirituality is primarily a form of aggression." They declare, "I am a sociopath."<br /><br />The wind sock is but the wind chime of the eye.Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-83634670768334864842012-02-11T10:19:00.000-08:002012-02-11T10:33:05.801-08:00Oak Media Center<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoeKtD_JBAcAxvbMhI3ATPCk2EGOGEU55FKoPl-4ilPd6OuJNdeJuvXF-9VvUvFMTvRYjZpTBU6ZwcsF3AmrHSNG93MuVxR5CAjKJfXT6c4mQ-zDhItCXfcCbjiii05JBGKE7qs7vSGDN2/s1600/mediacenter.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoeKtD_JBAcAxvbMhI3ATPCk2EGOGEU55FKoPl-4ilPd6OuJNdeJuvXF-9VvUvFMTvRYjZpTBU6ZwcsF3AmrHSNG93MuVxR5CAjKJfXT6c4mQ-zDhItCXfcCbjiii05JBGKE7qs7vSGDN2/s320/mediacenter.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5707944548156239186" /></a><br /><br />Sweet! Room for my 30" x 30" x 30" low-def 1997 Hitachi TV, and it's hide-able behind attractive woodgrain doors! You know, sometimes I don't want it to look like TV is the center of my universe, so I need to discreetly disguise my addiction as a giant wooden box that could have *anything* in it. Who knows what I'm storing there? Not you, girl I just brought home after meeting in the aisles at Best Buy! Not you! <br /><br />I also like all the DVD storage. Why? Well, my TV may be a little out-of-date, but DVD's are the way of the future! I look forward to years of adding to my DVD collection, with pristine visuals, and none of that VHS-tape-losing-contact-with-the-tape-heads-blue-screen bullshit I've put up with for so long. They're the perfect media. Have you ever had trouble with a DVD? Shut up, you're lying. Man, it's fantastic here in the future, and this media center, my new technological home base, is going to serve me well for years.<br /><br />Sure, I've heard about wi-fi, streaming enabled, box-and-storage-media-free, 70" LCD screens that stick two inches out from the wall, and that seems fine:<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf1Qvzk6YhrncQR1VK8WHmgHYSdeY1xBZ5yQr6tGACKVu97eGZN5vdNabEFVNRwWkiKbsSl3NXzLhYYJ0hAUSMxauTBGRA7kGUJZhW7ho3V-FRdXFb5jiQldjZf3oQDtTXidQJFUbxJvus/s1600/fancytv.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf1Qvzk6YhrncQR1VK8WHmgHYSdeY1xBZ5yQr6tGACKVu97eGZN5vdNabEFVNRwWkiKbsSl3NXzLhYYJ0hAUSMxauTBGRA7kGUJZhW7ho3V-FRdXFb5jiQldjZf3oQDtTXidQJFUbxJvus/s320/fancytv.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5707944639344412578" /></a><br /><br />. . . but where's the oak? That's something you just can't replace.Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-51491211384596156712012-02-08T11:25:00.000-08:002012-02-08T11:28:09.645-08:00Recliner Chair<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjASUujhhCLvreqKx1BUzgQWaoK0vpRe4lwBX8Kp3V-AxzAIwp43zM3aVFObo4oJaKS8nidqIqbJMRYAGZavRhk_I7CwNLnCIMIofalyLl9qA5XJRQ3KOGjeKatQyaVLkZH07bMjDwWKwu2/s1600/recliner+chair.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 224px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjASUujhhCLvreqKx1BUzgQWaoK0vpRe4lwBX8Kp3V-AxzAIwp43zM3aVFObo4oJaKS8nidqIqbJMRYAGZavRhk_I7CwNLnCIMIofalyLl9qA5XJRQ3KOGjeKatQyaVLkZH07bMjDwWKwu2/s320/recliner+chair.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5706848170656132914" /></a>Look, I know what you're thinking. You're looking at the seat of the chair and thinking, "holy hell, someone not only died in that chair, they decomposed in it for weeks!" You are mistaken. The chair's former resident died in the hospital. He merely soiled himself repeatedly for years in the chair. Stop being so dramatic and take it.Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-91662651148928233472012-02-06T10:19:00.001-08:002012-02-06T10:21:39.527-08:00"Reclines, Swivels"<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilOHAo0shdQvI6N-bJLsiho0wRVQvkFWtnydLfkxMAhX8DYPGfsiddjx-GzZ0z9mu0objhPzDtVti6ItsdIyCsrHleQ43AvG6SI8PuBDuTEaWGRGepuIQM1v7h2BAQ4QAa4FJexLhRpg6G/s1600/reclines.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilOHAo0shdQvI6N-bJLsiho0wRVQvkFWtnydLfkxMAhX8DYPGfsiddjx-GzZ0z9mu0objhPzDtVti6ItsdIyCsrHleQ43AvG6SI8PuBDuTEaWGRGepuIQM1v7h2BAQ4QAa4FJexLhRpg6G/s320/reclines.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5706089052706154450" /></a><br /><div>But that's just the beginning. It also "causes itching," "makes eyes water," and "ruins rooms."</div>Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-72741721478387474172012-02-05T12:40:00.000-08:002012-02-05T12:46:37.708-08:00Work Bench<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBX10NVHWuY-v6vu9O6lFBE_SPEvc3aCmy_zJiwcXKctWoYHyXLWHJvqTo6yI7KNWyRUcXcsPOg-vaTyjayvk6I6IyTF6SrZD86d5o3CdhuivWWF2ljQGSQmX7J0vsIAhLbCom6i7plGQd/s1600/work+bench.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 224px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBX10NVHWuY-v6vu9O6lFBE_SPEvc3aCmy_zJiwcXKctWoYHyXLWHJvqTo6yI7KNWyRUcXcsPOg-vaTyjayvk6I6IyTF6SrZD86d5o3CdhuivWWF2ljQGSQmX7J0vsIAhLbCom6i7plGQd/s320/work+bench.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5705754322770384466" /></a><br /><div>Does your work involve stitching together crude pigeon-dog hybrids? Insect racing? Mold husbandry?</div><div><br /></div><div>I suppose a corollary to "to each his own" is, "to someone, this work bench."</div>Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-60806011669449434962012-02-02T11:09:00.000-08:002012-02-02T11:18:08.392-08:00Ramp - Skateboard or Wheelchair<b>Fun!</b> I mean, necessary for making my way out of my home, which would otherwise be my prison. <b>Rad!</b> Or utilitarian. <b>Frontside grind!</b> Maybe just a cautious roll down to the sidewalk. <b>Axle stall!</b> Again, I think more of a cautious roll is in order.<div><br /></div><div>But you know what? Ultimately, we don't have to decide. Here's the ramp:</div><div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGnRhWc-EQZeuzr6jNvakoxOyfkvLpAqtiF7D6-bdnhYxVlLuZhfzA0pLTxmMPkC04q1Dew7p-uAdE6TOMG9VBqLi7sLhAYzVZrxw_Ae2QQQk23nfoYfFcAWVhGom2VEnWWSEUdQWL4sJM/s1600/ramp.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGnRhWc-EQZeuzr6jNvakoxOyfkvLpAqtiF7D6-bdnhYxVlLuZhfzA0pLTxmMPkC04q1Dew7p-uAdE6TOMG9VBqLi7sLhAYzVZrxw_Ae2QQQk23nfoYfFcAWVhGom2VEnWWSEUdQWL4sJM/s320/ramp.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5704618618869306994" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>I guess this could be a skateboard ramp, for someone in a wheelchair, with the skateboard in their lap.</div>Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-22198384917234701282012-01-31T16:40:00.000-08:002012-01-31T16:51:07.061-08:00The Love That Dare Not Speak Its NameThere are many frightening, repeating categories of objects on the CL free section. Every day brings more broken concrete ("use for fill!"), obsolete projection TV's ("50 inches, and only 400 lbs."), and dying palm trees ("you dig, you take"). But there is no more persistent, frequent and depressing category than . . . the loveseat. If you take one of these, love will be forever beyond your grasp. It will be a faint wish, bubbling up between the regular inhalations of computer duster fumes that always fail to alleviate your pain. Love will be dead to you, and you to it.<div><br /></div><div>But hey, it's FREE! </div><div><br /></div><div>I bring you a suite of loneliness seats:</div><div><br /></div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAdL_StugpyQGo73ewGYg8_TnV4GARj99s5HZU2v7MJ5a3kKhGiSNhPpgG84Je3UrXMLdz1NzfcGhaTZ-NGmoB0pv-mSAhUvzn0Fi9-qViYi1i4sTrKucVmUwQVCyS4t4WRaspQ93s92Px/s1600/loveseat5.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 168px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAdL_StugpyQGo73ewGYg8_TnV4GARj99s5HZU2v7MJ5a3kKhGiSNhPpgG84Je3UrXMLdz1NzfcGhaTZ-NGmoB0pv-mSAhUvzn0Fi9-qViYi1i4sTrKucVmUwQVCyS4t4WRaspQ93s92Px/s320/loveseat5.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5703962446087735842" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLKZdy-HsGdMhy82cDznCj9b2AGxJ5ZIMVX4Ud4JKF67Ninq2bTbtQJlYddvfqs1L9apQ98KJjkjjjFccUbdRNGt8uX4TrdcTqsV4iydkc6KdhZFFLhjonQTJ8DzQjE8Bzs9IkYvTanhiZ/s1600/loveseat4.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLKZdy-HsGdMhy82cDznCj9b2AGxJ5ZIMVX4Ud4JKF67Ninq2bTbtQJlYddvfqs1L9apQ98KJjkjjjFccUbdRNGt8uX4TrdcTqsV4iydkc6KdhZFFLhjonQTJ8DzQjE8Bzs9IkYvTanhiZ/s320/loveseat4.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5703962390283399842" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguO0WO4DA7cTjT8rjVOxSV34v6P_TrMto7yl66uDMcPq8Vvplg5R58ZHNTBXh5eGyjOUGZbTUvK1IH68dSNZYU8XAVRXB4Ce7NpZW0Oc-6IR0HqH6GQg-gRfgTU0cXpkWM6wUIaJkdFYBt/s1600/loveseat3.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguO0WO4DA7cTjT8rjVOxSV34v6P_TrMto7yl66uDMcPq8Vvplg5R58ZHNTBXh5eGyjOUGZbTUvK1IH68dSNZYU8XAVRXB4Ce7NpZW0Oc-6IR0HqH6GQg-gRfgTU0cXpkWM6wUIaJkdFYBt/s320/loveseat3.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5703962332556199586" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGvRd0Uecfhw7m9ewbz6j3x9_ifu109MQLRSk5J87J1RMFflJgTruCJs8ihuz2lwg9SBw_eqNMOPK9hIjHGInvUGrjmt4x8Prc4pbWu4M6NSgxliWIi9wHcFyegeXUzIeLHZKcjcEf_CAp/s1600/loveseat2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 179px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGvRd0Uecfhw7m9ewbz6j3x9_ifu109MQLRSk5J87J1RMFflJgTruCJs8ihuz2lwg9SBw_eqNMOPK9hIjHGInvUGrjmt4x8Prc4pbWu4M6NSgxliWIi9wHcFyegeXUzIeLHZKcjcEf_CAp/s320/loveseat2.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5703962284950948866" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgip9UDvrLhg-8KmeALZZkkfB89KBDeMgZZjvK7lWvmm6gVUqkrTT1J-iuFkfmhqbf4TkDLmZC5JUUJLDxS5T2_V7cbx5y7iSz50gz2Uz1CY5y5rQdHcf4dOwxUDdRpsZx0fan6kiszOjpc/s1600/loveseat1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 224px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgip9UDvrLhg-8KmeALZZkkfB89KBDeMgZZjvK7lWvmm6gVUqkrTT1J-iuFkfmhqbf4TkDLmZC5JUUJLDxS5T2_V7cbx5y7iSz50gz2Uz1CY5y5rQdHcf4dOwxUDdRpsZx0fan6kiszOjpc/s320/loveseat1.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5703962227560689266" /></a>Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-24336753466010128352012-01-17T17:07:00.001-08:002012-01-17T17:16:30.531-08:00MODERN ART<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQIlAUZKNjqr8al45-9p5wj35Nt_xH0lspS_YjSrKiErtNwbWte2S6y5JIW8AaSNruUc_bAfPMzx54Fip_4WQehPGMT8uGoDgUwlIRQe44vc9-_uRdgMnYSVsBwL_PVUiV5QlRELXm3A6E/s1600/print.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQIlAUZKNjqr8al45-9p5wj35Nt_xH0lspS_YjSrKiErtNwbWte2S6y5JIW8AaSNruUc_bAfPMzx54Fip_4WQehPGMT8uGoDgUwlIRQe44vc9-_uRdgMnYSVsBwL_PVUiV5QlRELXm3A6E/s320/print.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5698772554956158274" /></a><br /><div>"<span style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">If you would like it, please tell me your phone number and why you want the picture. After the item is given away, I will delete all correspondence that comes to me.... I ask for these things to determine whom I will invite to my home for my safety and that of my family. Thank you."</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: -webkit-auto; "><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span >Some possibilities:</span></div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span >"I want it to record for posterity how little was required at the beginning of the 21st Century for something to be designated 'art.'" [threat level - uncertain, what does "posterity" mean?]</span></div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span >"I want to use it as a coaster. I am 28 feet tall and drink from three-gallon cups." [threat level - surprisingly low, 28 foot tall people are easy to spot and apprehend]</span></div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span >"I will shoot it. It has a bulls-eye quality to it that inspires the marksman in me." [threat level - medium, has guns, but is accurate]</span></div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span >"It's beautiful. I want it to make my home a more aesthetically pleasant place to live." [threat level - high, is insane]</span></div>Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-37622815870995150832012-01-13T11:05:00.001-08:002012-01-13T11:14:09.631-08:00Abstrax, from the East BaySince I'm going to open up the blog a bit, a new delight is artists selling their work on craigslist. Here's a great, um, "artist's statement":<div><br /></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: medium; ">"Hi, I've made a new genre of art, since I see a modern trend for pop art, but I like abstract art as well. Tend to be ahead of trends. I've predicted trends in music, business for some time."</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: medium; "><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: medium; ">There's so much going on here. Hubris. Optimism. Insanity. I may want to support this gentleman/woman, but first I'm going to need to see a List of Trends Predicted. I worry, though. How will I tell if they were <i>predicted</i>, rather than post-hoc <i>noted</i>? Photos of prediction being made next to that day's newspaper, you say? Interesting. This art-buying thing is complex.</span></div>Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-41180046928854412352012-01-13T10:31:00.000-08:002012-01-13T10:35:00.088-08:00Microwave<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: medium; ">"I used this microwave for many years before it stopped working. Maybe you can fix it and get use out of it."</span><div><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: medium; "><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: medium; ">Or maybe I could buy a new one for $50 or so and be spared: (1) the residue of your many years of use, and (2) the danger of fixing it <i>wrong</i>.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: medium; "><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: medium; "><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: medium; "><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: medium; ">Baby steps, folks. I think I'll bring the blog back, but I may use it for purposes beyond free-stuff-mocking. Perhaps the occasional parable . . .</span></div>Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-74516865914457848882009-06-01T08:36:00.000-07:002009-06-01T15:35:18.271-07:00A Change at Vintage MicrowaveDear Loyal Readers:<br /><br />We are so very, very good at what we do that someone has asked us to do it for them. So Vintage Microwave is going to fade away, but our work will continue. Stephen and Jessica will be writing at two blogs for the time being. One, essentially identical to VM, is:<br /><br /><a href="http://itemnotasdescribed.com/">Item Not As Described</a><br /><br />This site will not only continue our commentary on commerce castaways, but will initially re-use some of the old VM posts (we have to get it started somehow). Bear with us as it gets up to speed.<br /><br />The other site will provide commentary on unsettling tattoos.<br /><br /><a href="http://ugliesttattoos.com/">Ugliest Tattoos</a><br /><br />Yes, it's an easy target, but we'll make it funny. Vintage Microwave funny.<br /><br />We hope the new sites will be as fun for us to write as VM has been. We hope "selling out" is as awesome as we've imagined. We hope to see you there.Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-90904720060717519122009-05-26T19:37:00.001-07:002009-05-26T19:47:33.041-07:00Wall Micro/Oven Combo<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHAUEdj6jcO39MEDl8I4iUebIfd1icBvf7G75FmbrVER9-T-ZuZ4fqvVE3gpGvEqo4czg-O6caI6ns9xzulxR5xgbeyeX7EAB1Yam200Cd7-g8tGQEPSEpiKXoZNUvg-oKBCLbRty3_ugy/s1600-h/walloven.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHAUEdj6jcO39MEDl8I4iUebIfd1icBvf7G75FmbrVER9-T-ZuZ4fqvVE3gpGvEqo4czg-O6caI6ns9xzulxR5xgbeyeX7EAB1Yam200Cd7-g8tGQEPSEpiKXoZNUvg-oKBCLbRty3_ugy/s320/walloven.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5340327428836983490" border="0" /></a><br />Should we infer anything about condition and/or safety from your unwillingness to get any closer to the "micro/oven" to take its picture? Or were you just hoping it wouldn't see you, so you could avoid the awkward discussion about the future of your relationship?Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-88898560139548982342009-05-26T11:27:00.000-07:002009-05-26T11:27:31.487-07:00Sony scope Reel to Reel Player Recorder 1960<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivbKeWc83GLAMseyY1yPg81XTGm7Bp0qOzZOsAbdPoP1lEcnyazpsxlmS6iuhoPJwvp8oxjo8mm6hVkp2ggTx0dwU80BvMPe6I_7wRDM_yP2olEi_IRgXrjFVrhso1HYkOF_lq5fNjdsc/s1600-h/reel+to+reel.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5339458289387953122" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 278px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivbKeWc83GLAMseyY1yPg81XTGm7Bp0qOzZOsAbdPoP1lEcnyazpsxlmS6iuhoPJwvp8oxjo8mm6hVkp2ggTx0dwU80BvMPe6I_7wRDM_yP2olEi_IRgXrjFVrhso1HYkOF_lq5fNjdsc/s320/reel+to+reel.jpg" border="0" /></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">"My husband says that it might need a belt, as it was slow turning. Very heavy unit, applrimately 35-40 lbs."<br /></span><br /><p><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"> </p><br /></span><br /><br><br /></span><p></p><p><br /></p><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br />I'm pretty sure that the only way you're going to get someone to take a nonworking, 40-pound piece of completely obsolete machinery off your hands these days is to convince them that it should be part of their </span><a href="http://vintagemicrowave.blogspot.com/2008/04/owl-collection.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">owl collection</span></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">.</span><br /></span>Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17149507023216148587noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-8015937961514730112009-05-25T09:59:00.000-07:002009-05-25T09:59:12.321-07:00moving boxes<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoVuEXGAbtlQ9MiQJ2KM9Y27cQl1gNJsRHDrsDzaNySW0aQpOnga3DIqd1xKQkJ8HIckWeCcwiQJNZ0tXsNmHVZUpByyXvbx4OUbM3JHRBu_9dZN36RBy9DwtsQ_DJadX7S1ShIROu6u8/s1600-h/moving+boxes.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5339454541506740498" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 225px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoVuEXGAbtlQ9MiQJ2KM9Y27cQl1gNJsRHDrsDzaNySW0aQpOnga3DIqd1xKQkJ8HIckWeCcwiQJNZ0tXsNmHVZUpByyXvbx4OUbM3JHRBu_9dZN36RBy9DwtsQ_DJadX7S1ShIROu6u8/s320/moving+boxes.jpg" border="0" /></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">"Please call to see if anyone is home."</span><br /><br /><br /><p></p><p><br /></p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Why do I get the sense that by "moving boxes," they don't mean "boxes useful for packing up possessions for a change of residence," but rather "boxes that are actually moving"?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">If no one is home, it's because the boxes got them.</span>Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17149507023216148587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-87192197266475324322009-05-22T11:05:00.000-07:002009-05-22T11:07:14.732-07:00Old Wicker Furniture<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFAScj515FH4376aigCGroyCFwbt4N8oygjcOq5QWM-fGxCXnaDXHPG7VtDTw2_nA8RQyHVhpzNCJAjA0neUwJa7-vetcvqT86ApEIXEhFeVfwLU13aUrQmwnRN7YPh-TTlSRwjgbso_I/s1600-h/wicker_furniture.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336157761379422082" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 225px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFAScj515FH4376aigCGroyCFwbt4N8oygjcOq5QWM-fGxCXnaDXHPG7VtDTw2_nA8RQyHVhpzNCJAjA0neUwJa7-vetcvqT86ApEIXEhFeVfwLU13aUrQmwnRN7YPh-TTlSRwjgbso_I/s320/wicker_furniture.jpg" border="0" /></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">"The rocking chair and settee are very very old."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><br /><br><br /><br /><p></p><p><br /></p><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Very, <em>very</em> old. Like, Civil War old. In fact, I'm pretty sure this furniture <em>fought</em> in the Civil War. I don't know where that hole could have come from other than the Battle of Gettysburg.</span>Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17149507023216148587noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2620526016733154151.post-22194798809036118032009-05-21T12:50:00.000-07:002009-05-22T10:05:36.720-07:00Loveseat<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_zEGmLwtoVxgD_-k4oRvGxqr0YPVm7_INqzFspvfn4aab8LoEFRzoic73HU0ivd-CRX7BFkI7bUAERVnqX5qS-5g8O4fLmcDSj_b2XASqkPzls3joURgiuY4AnKdyRoky7yAIybZ7KX3V/s1600-h/magicalloveseat.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_zEGmLwtoVxgD_-k4oRvGxqr0YPVm7_INqzFspvfn4aab8LoEFRzoic73HU0ivd-CRX7BFkI7bUAERVnqX5qS-5g8O4fLmcDSj_b2XASqkPzls3joURgiuY4AnKdyRoky7yAIybZ7KX3V/s320/magicalloveseat.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5338367151100586386" border="0" /></a><br />I'm kinda speechless. This is early-80's rent-to-own furniture at its apex. I mean nadir. The "gold" trim, the fancifully printed velour-ish fabric - I can't characterize so much as simply describe. <br /><br />I can't picture this in <span style="font-style: italic;">anyone's</span> house. The only possible setting I can accept is a brief scene in some Aaron Spelling show, let's say <span style="font-style: italic;">Dynasty</span>, set in the waiting room of a small accountancy office. That's the only place this could really exist.Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395319755814215066noreply@blogger.com0