Monday, April 21, 2008

Outdated Emergency Food Rations

"Several packages by Datrex each with 12 to 18 bars of compressed concentrated food. Expired June 2002. Thirteen packages all together. Should feed two people for a week."

When the earthquake comes, and it will come, the Whole Foods may be closed for awhile. The Safeway, too. Maybe even Grocery Outlet. Seven-Eleven won't be immune. The corner store? Closed. Food will be hard to come by.

So you'll eat your Dinty Moore stew. You'll finish the ramen. You'll drink the old molasses. You'll snort the cumin and smoke the peppercorns. You'll find out which of the flowers in the neighbor's front yard are edible.

You are clever. You are resourceful. You do not need to eat food that expired 6+ years ago. Say it with me - "I'm better than that."

"Feed two people for a week"? No. Make your family proud. Leave a legacy of dignity. Just die that extra week early. Don't let them find your body surrounded by the wrappers of expired bars of concentrated ick.


Amblus said...

Oh man, this is going to be my catchphrase every time I want to throw out a food item my husband deems acceptable:

"Lets just die that extra week early, okay honey?"

Beth said...

How did you know I have Dinty Moore Stew? And that it would take a major disaster for me to eat it. And that can of Hormel Chili.