" . . . 32 Waist. Hi, I have Fruit of the Loom and Hanes, boxer briefs and briefs. I might even throw in some Calvin briefs of mine."
Yeah, "hi." I need to know a few things before I take your underwear off your hands. First, these are new, wrapped underwear you were given for a birthday or something but never got around to wearing, right?
No? They are underwear you wore for years, until the elastic 32" waist could no longer contain your expanding belly? Jesus H. Christ, you can't be serious. You think I want your used underwear? Aren't there laws against this kind of transaction, free or otherwise?
OK, you may be right, maybe I am overreacting. They would fit, and your offer to sweeten the deal with even more used underwear (Calvin! Sweet!) is tough to resist. I'll be right over.
The Vintage Microwave odds of success on this would-be donation - 2 in 750,000.
Why two? Well, there may be one person in San Francisco who fetishizes wearing used underwear.
There may also be one other who will take some sort of pleasure in satisfying the would-be donor's obvious fetish for knowing that someone, somewhere is wearing his old underwear. There's no other way to explain this degree of WTF-ness.