"You pick up. Serious only. No, I will not help you load it on your truck/car."
The very definition of charming. Someone who is so irritated, in advance, at how unappreciative you are of the free couch and loveseat you are getting, that they must let you know - again, in advance - that there are limits to their extreme generosity.
I've got news for you, couch and loveseat giver. The only people on earth who want that matching nightmare live in the slums surrounding Calcutta, where your couch, admittedly, would be an improvement over sleeping on the dirt floor, but only by the smallest of increments.
If you find anyone willing to take those out of your living room, I suggest you not only help move them, but spot the taker a benjamin or two. Relieving you of those things is not far off from agreeing to donate a kidney to you, or volunteering to cover a shift at your job cleaning toilets at Candlestick Park during football season.
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