Thursday, February 19, 2009

Mechanical Bull



"My father's company has gone out of business we can no longer afford to keep storage for the bull"

You think I don't know what you're thinking? Oh, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "no way, dude, I want that thing bad! I'd go get it right now if it were within driving distance!"

Stop fooling yourself. No one has room for a mechanical bull in the house. And no one can afford the insurance it would cost if you were to let anyone actually get on it.

You, at insurance office: "Hi, I need to update my homeowner's insurance."
Insurance Agent: "Great, let me bring up my InstaQuote software, and we can run the numbers. What do you need an amendment to cover?"
You: "You won't believe it! I got a mechanical bull!"
Ins. Agent:
"You mean, like an Urban Cowboy, ride-it-in-the-bar, faux rodeo mechanical bull?"
You: "Oh yeah! Awesome, huh?"
IA: "Uhhh . . . yeeah, neato. You may not like this, though, we call things like that 'elective dangers.' They can be kind of pricey."
You: "Whatever it takes, man. I've got some to spare. It's a mechanical bull."
Insurance dude: "OK, then. The base rate is $250 a month. Does it have any particular dangerous qualities?"
You: "Well, it's not made of razor blades, if that's what you mean [laughs]. It does have horns, though. Wouldn't be a bull without horns."
IA: "Horns? That's what we call an 'add-on risk'. With the horns, that's $400. Per month."
You: "Wow, that's kind of steep. I guess I'll have to charge. [smiles]"
IA: "Wait, you're going to have guests on the thing? That's another $250 on top."
You: "I was kidding about charging."
IA: "But guests?"
You: "Well it wouldn't be fun alone, so . . . yeah. It'll rock at parties."
IA: "I think you want to avoid parties."
You: "You've gotta be kidding, that's what it's for."
IA: "Can't have a party without drinking, right?"
You, hesitant, quietly: "suuure."
IA: "We're at $1000 a month now"
You: "Really?"
IA: "Yes."

No, no mechanical bull for you.

7 comments:

Frank said...

yeah, but...c'mon, a free mechanical bull. State Farm (pun INTENDED) doesn't have to know.

Anonymous said...

where are you located?

Anonymous said...

hey does anyone know about a good insurance ? that is not as cheep as the one you are talking about?

jagger said...

So do/did you have that mechanical bull?? I'm looking for one and would love the one pictured. Let me know if you still have it or know where it went. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

WE WANT YOUR BULL! NO BULLSHIT! HOW DO WE CONTACT YOU?

Anonymous said...

If you still have it I would like to buy it from you. Please contact me at (360)599-3333

Anonymous said...

YOU DONT NEED INSURANCE MAN.. MAKE THE RIDER SIGN A WAIVER FORM TO GET OFF LIBILITY

AT PRIVATE PARTIES, BARS, ETC
MAYBE IN A PARK, OR STATE OR CITY PROPERTY YOU DO NEED IT..
BUT AT PRIVATE PARTIES. MAKE THEM SIGN A WAIVER. AND IS AT THEIR OWN RISK.. JUST DONT GET TO CRAZY WITH THE CONTROLS, WHEN KIDS OR FATCHICKS GET ON IT.

THANKS.