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Let me help. You could go simple, with, say, "ugly." Or get a little dramatic, calling it a "formica monstrosity." Perhaps use a metaphor - "this nightstand is my failure to reach beyond my grasp." A nice simile might be "like a neverending broadcast of 'Crossing Jordan' reruns." In the end, I'd probably go with "it's the nightstand equivalent of a small Rust Belt city: unattractive, decrepit, and generally undesirable."
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