Friday, August 1, 2008

Railroad Ties

Our Nashville correspondent refers us to:

"6 or 8 large RR ties, they are anchored with steel rods to the ground and each other so you must be able to pry them apart as well as lift them. I would say you need a good truck with a wench or something like that. Don't even think about coming by yourself. They are extremely H E A V Y. It will take two very strong people to load them. Write me with your questions and your plan."

Dear Railroad Tie Poster:

You request that I write with questions and plan. First, a comment (I know, I'm already breaking the rules). I know women who, when asked their dress size, will say "6 or 8." It's a reasonable response - different companies fit things differently, weight fluctuates, some things look better tighter or looser. In short, there are variables. There are no variables, however, in the number of railroad ties you have. Is it 6? Or 8? Or maybe 7? Just do the count.

On to questions. Why on earth would I want 6 or 8 railroad ties? Even if I did, can you imagine me wanting them enough to go through the twelve labors of Hercules you appear to be prescribing? How much do you think it would cost me to put together the team of giants and/or leverage experts required to liberate these ties?

And again, before I do anything, I would really like to have some idea of why I'm doing this. What awesome project can I do with them? Start the world's shortest railroad? Make my yard the neighborhood eyesore? Dead-end my street?

My plan - wish you luck dealing with your railroad ties yourself, request copies of the bills you incur disposing of them, just out of curiosity.


Anonymous said...

And also, I know wenches are good for plenty of stuff; ass-slapping, beer-hauling, tavern-bantering etc. but I don't know if their many skills extend to hoisting railroad ties along with those flagons of ale.

Orrin said...

Awesome project????

No No No No No.