Shoot, Screw, or Marry: Ugly Poster Edition

Also know as “Fuck, Marry, Kill,” this classic time-passer involves deciding which of three options (usually people, but in our case, tchotchkes) to eliminate, which to shag, and which to wed in holy matrimony.

Today’s contenders!

1. Unicorn picture

“This can be categorized as a print of a unicorn or a war stallion. It is mounted and framed.”

Ah yes, the war stallion. Bravely fighting the never-ending battle against aesthetic pleasure and the ability of young children to sleep without nightmares.

2. Fuzzy poster

“About 16" x 20" Nice design. No marker set. Good condition. Ready for coloring.”

No markers? It’s not looking good for you, fuzzy poster.

3. 3D Jesus poster

“You have to relax and un-focus your eyes then the image will appear. This print is a religious scene; Christ on the cross, the tomb where he was buried, Bethlehem scene and a village scene.”

The makings of the Worst. Acid trip. Ever.

My picks? Shoot the fuzzy bullseye (easy); screw the unicorn, since it’s the most humanoid of the three (at least as far as I can tell without getting a raging headache); and marry 3D Jesus, because really, nothing would piss my dad off more than me getting hitched to a long-haired, Middle-Eastern hippie.

How about you?