Patriotic Beanie Babies

I know, you're expecting some sardonic, arch comments about the failure of 1990's consumerism, and its encapsulation in the mere idea of "patriotic Beanie Babies," but no, that's not our interest here. Instead, we're astonished and impressed by the procedural strictures this poster places on those who would acquire these "PBBs". The post consists, primarily, of the following:

"MUST include both name and number. Parking is unpredictable after 5pm. Please ONLY request items the night before or the morning of your planned pickup time. I cannot hold items. To be fair to those on my waiting list, if I don't hear from you within 2 hours of your scheduled pickup time, I will offer the item(s) to the next person on the list."

I can't help but feel that the White House Social Secretary would have trouble keeping track of the many protocols imposed by this poster. I'm reminded of the analytical sections of various standardized tests: "An accountancy firm has a staff of five, Messrs. Albert, Burns, Calogero, Defeo, and Evans. The national accounting society sponsors exactly five conferences, which the employees attend, subject to the following constraints: If Mr. Albert attends a conference, then Mr. Defeo does not attend it. If Mr. Burns attends a conference, then either Mr. Calogero or Mr. Defeo, but not both, attends it . . ."

If BeanieBabiesiana were my thing, I think I might prefer to resort to eBay and spending a few bucks, instead of reliving the LSAT trying to navigate this poster's rules.