Saturday, March 14, 2009

Selenium Rectifier Stacks

"Three selenium rectifier stacks. Each unit has 20 plates, about 2.5 inches square, spaced about half an inch apart, so the overall length is 10 inches. Appears to be organized as a full wave bridge. Painted gray. Explain to me how you are going to use them and why."

How I am going to use them and why? Dude, you're the one trying to get these out of your house. Stop questioning me. How will I use a selenium rectifier stack; a weird, obsolete electronic device? Well, it might be nice to have for my Museum of Technologies Past, which I keep in the laundry room. Maybe they'd make good paperweights. Maybe my dentist told me to experiment with selenium fillings, to keep the voices at bay. That's my business.

Why? Because I'd be doing you a goddamn favor, that's why. And because I want the voices to stop.

Let me reiterate - stop questioning me.

3 comments:

Orrin said...

My favorite bit of the Wikipedia piece:

During catastrophic failure they produced significant quantities of malodorous and highly toxic fumes...

I don't suppose these come with some sort of warranty?

Anonymous said...

Hmmm... maybe the voices would like that too much, I'd better reconsider...

TK said...

This ad works better if you imagine Christopher Lloyd from "Back to the Future" reading it.