I'm glad to see that the title sequence from Saved by the Bell is still finding work after all these years. You know that it beat out both Elizabeth Berkley and Tiffani-Amber Thiessen for the role of "Craigslist Free Couch #16."
Okay, here we go: Shoot, Screw, or Marry? Screech, Mr. Belding, this couch.
Man, talk about a rock and a hard place (and a REALLY hard place). A normal person would probably just suck it up and screw Mr. Belding, marry the couch, and, of course, shoot Screech. At least the couch is quiet and isn't, well, Screech.
But I'm going to take the million-to-one gamble on Screech's imminent, non-sex-tape-related comeback and marry him. Go big or go home, right? As for Mr. Belding and the couch, they can fight it out amongst themselves — it really makes no difference to me. Fake-marrying Screech has already got me depressed.