The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name

There are many frightening, repeating categories of objects on the CL free section. Every day brings more broken concrete ("use for fill!"), obsolete projection TV's ("50 inches, and only 400 lbs."), and dying palm trees ("you dig, you take"). But there is no more persistent, frequent and depressing category than . . . the loveseat. If you take one of these, love will be forever beyond your grasp. It will be a faint wish, bubbling up between the regular inhalations of computer duster fumes that always fail to alleviate your pain. Love will be dead to you, and you to it.

But hey, it's FREE!

I bring you a suite of loneliness seats:

MODERN ART

"If you would like it, please tell me your phone number and why you want the picture. After the item is given away, I will delete all correspondence that comes to me.... I ask for these things to determine whom I will invite to my home for my safety and that of my family. Thank you."

Some possibilities:

"I want it to record for posterity how little was required at the beginning of the 21st Century for something to be designated 'art.'" [threat level - uncertain, what does "posterity" mean?]

"I want to use it as a coaster. I am 28 feet tall and drink from three-gallon cups." [threat level - surprisingly low, 28 foot tall people are easy to spot and apprehend]

"I will shoot it. It has a bulls-eye quality to it that inspires the marksman in me." [threat level - medium, has guns, but is accurate]

"It's beautiful. I want it to make my home a more aesthetically pleasant place to live." [threat level - high, is insane]

Abstrax, from the East Bay

Since I'm going to open up the blog a bit, a new delight is artists selling their work on craigslist. Here's a great, um, "artist's statement":

"Hi, I've made a new genre of art, since I see a modern trend for pop art, but I like abstract art as well. Tend to be ahead of trends. I've predicted trends in music, business for some time."

There's so much going on here. Hubris. Optimism. Insanity. I may want to support this gentleman/woman, but first I'm going to need to see a List of Trends Predicted. I worry, though. How will I tell if they were predicted, rather than post-hoc noted? Photos of prediction being made next to that day's newspaper, you say? Interesting. This art-buying thing is complex.

Microwave

"I used this microwave for many years before it stopped working. Maybe you can fix it and get use out of it."

Or maybe I could buy a new one for $50 or so and be spared: (1) the residue of your many years of use, and (2) the danger of fixing it wrong.

Baby steps, folks. I think I'll bring the blog back, but I may use it for purposes beyond free-stuff-mocking. Perhaps the occasional parable . . .