Wall Micro/Oven Combo

Should we infer anything about condition and/or safety from your unwillingness to get any closer to the "micro/oven" to take its picture? Or were you just hoping it wouldn't see you, so you could avoid the awkward discussion about the future of your relationship?

Sony scope Reel to Reel Player Recorder 1960

"My husband says that it might need a belt, as it was slow turning. Very heavy unit, applrimately 35-40 lbs."

I'm pretty sure that the only way you're going to get someone to take a nonworking, 40-pound piece of completely obsolete machinery off your hands these days is to convince them that it should be part of their owl collection.

moving boxes

"Please call to see if anyone is home."

Why do I get the sense that by "moving boxes," they don't mean "boxes useful for packing up possessions for a change of residence," but rather "boxes that are actually moving"?

If no one is home, it's because the boxes got them.

Old Wicker Furniture

"The rocking chair and settee are very very old."

Very, very old. Like, Civil War old. In fact, I'm pretty sure this furniture fought in the Civil War. I don't know where that hole could have come from other than the Battle of Gettysburg.

Loveseat

I'm kinda speechless. This is early-80's rent-to-own furniture at its apex. I mean nadir. The "gold" trim, the fancifully printed velour-ish fabric - I can't characterize so much as simply describe.

I can't picture this in anyone's house. The only possible setting I can accept is a brief scene in some Aaron Spelling show, let's say Dynasty, set in the waiting room of a small accountancy office. That's the only place this could really exist.

Old Chair

We considered posting a picture or two of something mummified to compare this too, but the pictures of mummies were a little grosser than we like to be. This chair is all the gross we can handle.


Beware its curse: "As for all men who shall sit here . . . there will be judgment . . . an end shall be made for him . . . I shall seize his neck like a bird . . . I shall cast the fear of myself into him."

Consider it done. We're already afraid.

Gerber cerel for infants

"One expired on Sept 08 the other Nov 08. But they still have the cellophane on them."

Sweet, they still have the cellophane on them. Something for the baby to play with after we've fed him long-expired food.

Chair

This is one of those free postings that make me appreciate the place of the philosopher in modern society. I'm pretty sure a dissertation - a master's thesis at the very least - could be written on whether and under what conditions this item can be called a chair. Maybe something like, with hat tip to Zizek, "this Deleuzian chair is, of course, not simply outside non-chairness; rather, in the 'stratigraphic' superimposition, in this moment of chairfulness, it is CHAIR ITSELF which we experience, but in contrast, chair as opposed to the evolutionary flow of things WITHIN the chair domain." I'm not sure what that means, but I think it's something like "there's no effing way this counts as a chair."

couches

"Cream color with flowers."

Here at VM, we see a lot of ugly couches. But this is the first one we've come across that looks as though it's actually suffering from some sort of communicable disease.

Boat

"Perfect for boat races!"

Obviously, this will need a part or two (or 334) before it's perfect for anything, but that aside, what about this semi-boat makes it seem especially race-worthy? If anything, it looks like a pretty non-hydrodynamic example of boatdom. Why is it any more perfect for a boat race than, say, this motorcycle frame is for motorcycle races?



Or this trashcan is for trashcan races?

Cast Iron Sink

I admire the effort, and I know this may make me a pessimist, but I really don't think reasoning with it will get you anywhere. You can start with a whisper and end with a shout, but that sink is gonna do whatever the hell it wants.

Dresser

Look, it's OK. We get it. You got very angry at your dresser, you beat the hell out of it, and now none of the pieces fit together. It's tilted to the side, and the drawers are useless. You're sorry; you wish you hadn't, and that's all well and good, but look - you have to deal with the aftermath yourself. Don't try to enlist the help of strangers to get you out of this mess. You got yourself into it, you get yourself out. Go get an axe. Or maybe some lighter fluid.

Cabover Camper

Honey, let's go camping! By "camping," I mean admitting that we have failed in every possible way, and that we deserve only the worst of everything.

Couch and loveseat

"The cushions need to be sewn in a few spots (on the seams) and it isn't in new or excellent condition (hence it is free) but it sure beats the hard floor!"

Fine, fair enough. Two pieces of furniture not worth the effort of selling, but not ready for the trash. Exactly what the Free Stuff section is good for.

But what is up with that living room? I hope to god that this person is getting some livelier furniture. Because right now all they need is a fishbowl full of free condoms and they'd have the waiting room at Planned Parenthood.

open fridge

"NO WARRANTY. AS IS. NO DELIVERY."









As is? Do you promise? Because if I show up for this behemoth and find that bottle of white zin and collection of off-brand energy drinks are gone, my afternoon plans will be shot in the ass.

Half a Surfboard

The other half has been re-purposed as the tombstone for the dead surfer who last used it.

Perhaps you know another recently passed surfer you could honor with this half. Or maybe it would make a good prosthetic whale tongue?

Disney Cars TV

I wouldn't want this thing smiling incessantly at me while I spent my Sunday afternoon on a "Deadwood" marathon, either.

kids recliner

"Mechanics work but upholstery is bad."

Of course the upholstery is bad. Kids will be kids, falling asleep with lit cigarettes in hand.

We have some friends who are pregnant, and we are sorely tempted to haul this to the baby shower, along with some kids' beer and a subsciption to Kids' Playboy.

Aeron Chair

"Herman Miller Aeron chair. The hydraulic system that controls seat height is broken; so the chair sinks when you sit in it. The left armrest is also missing. Other than that, it's like any other Aeron chair."

I hate to be self-referential, but this reminds me of this BMW. You know, other than being completely devastated in every pertinent way, it was like any other BMW.

MODULAR MOBILE OFFICE TRAILER

"FREE TO A GOOD HOME!!!! "










The only possible use for this would be playing the role of the field office in Blair Witch 3: The Blair Witch Construction Project. In this installment, the Blair Witch continues to terrorize the Maryland wilderness, this time through the erection of depressing subdivisions.

Adult swing

"The animals are making a nest from part of it. Simple repair to a corner and it's still very good"






Not what I was expecting, based on the title. THANK. GOD.

And yet? Still gross.

Do you want to garden? Use our backyard!

"We are doing nothing with our backyard. If you want to garden, make our backyard your own.[*] Bring your best ideas and your shovel."


*Disclaimer: backyard will be in no way your own.


Well sure, why not? You want a garden, I want to work without compensation, we're a perfect match!


This sounds familiar somehow.

From Tom Sawyer (1876):

Tom contemplated the boy a bit, and said:

“What do you call work?”

“Why, ain’t that work?”

Tom resumed his whitewashing, and answered carelessly:

“Well, maybe it is, and maybe it ain’t. All I know, is, it suits Tom Sawyer.”

“Oh come, now, you don’t mean to let on that you like it?”

The brush continued to move.

“Like it? Well, I don’t see why I oughtn’t to like it. Does a boy get a chance to whitewash a fence every day?”

That put the thing in a new light. Ben stopped nibbling his apple. Tom swept his brush daintily back and forth – stepped back to note the effect – added a touch here and there – criticised the effect again – Ben watching every move and getting more and more interested, more and more absorbed. Presently he said:

“Say, Tom, let me whitewash a little.”

Dead Horse

"This is a skeleton of a horse I found in the desert. I brought it home for an accent to my cactus garden. We are moving and I cannot take the horse with me. It is missing the head and two legs, but all else is there.Use it for the same purpose as I did, or for an art project..."


An art project, huh? No comment, I don't want to . . . beat a dead horse. Hey-OHH!!!

Steel Racks

"Each is approximately 24' long by 6' wide by 8' tall. Welded so you will have to transport complete, or could be seperated into 3 smaller pieces with a few cuts. Each weighs approx 1900 pounds."


I'm done talkin', honey; I'm gonna make it happen. We're starting that skyscraper out in back Saturday morning.