suzuki samari

"NO DRIVE LINES, NO STEERING LINKAGE, JERRY RIGGED LIFT, you will need to tow it! Don't call & ask stupind questions!"



Please forgive me if these are "stupind" questions, but there are just a few things I need to know:

1. What?

2. Why?

3. How do you manage to misspell "samurai," a word that is surely emblazoned somewhere on the vehicle you have obviously spent a great deal of time ruining? In literally the largest type size you will ever see the word "samurai" printed in, ever?

4. Why?

5. What?

Sofa

I think somewhere in those cushions is a secret message, set forth in cuneiform. This has inspired me to start work on a screenplay similar* to the Da Vinci Code, with this couch filling the role of the Louvre.


*Though not so similar as to raise the danger of litigation.

Antique Mantle

"In my old home, I put it against a wall and put candles all around underneath it to simulate a fireplace - was very lovely."

Thanks for the suggestion, but if it weren't for ideas like that, perhaps you'd still be living in your "old home," and this would still be the "mantle" you claim it is, rather than a charred piece of trash.

DOGBED/LOVE SEAT COUCH

"IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A PIECE OF FURNITURE THAT YOU THINK YOUR DOG WILL LOVE AS A BED THIS WILL WORK GREAT."



Interesting angle, but my dog doesn't really need a loveseat to sleep on. He sleeps in his loft bed, which frees up space in his bedroom for his desk and his Playstation 3.

DWARFS

"I HAVE 14 FREE DWARFS THAT I AM GETTING RID OF BECAUSE WE ARE PUTTING IN A POOL."

I believe that, traditionally, fairies are the ones who are averse to water, and even then, usually only running water. So you're good to go! Your dwarves and your pool can coexist peacefully. Just make sure they wait for 30 minutes after feasting and drinking ale before taking a dip.

Trampoline

Not the first trampoline we've noted, but the first featuring exciting new DeathSlot* technology.



*a registered trademark of ExtremePoline, Inc.

Liquor Carousel

This doesn't look like nearly as much fun as the name suggests.

Very Old Backyard Chairs

"No good for sitting, may be good for background, props for picture or movie set."




Chairs. "No good for sitting." These chairs are adrift, lost, unable to satisfy the most basic element of chair-ness. Chairs like this don't last long. Once they lose sit-ability, they lose interest in life, and die soon thereafter.

Please give these chairs something to do so they can hold on a little longer. Something to give their days meaning. Something like . . . put them in a movie. That sounds good. You do have a movie in production don't you?

Sarns Heart Lung Machine

"Pick it up and it is yours. Let me know your intended use - best purpose will win if multiple interested parties."



Dear poster of heart lung machine;

I want to live, and need this so that I may.

I hope this may qualify as a "best purpose."

If that does not appeal to you, I could also use it for an art project that I will bring to Burning Man. Presuming I live, of course.

Weak . . . must stop typing.

Yours hopefully,
VM

Large cardboard box

"Open on one side"

I'll be right there.

Don't they have recycling pickup in your town?